June 2013
WOAH INTERESTING QUESTIONS PLEASE
- 01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
- 02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you?
- 03: what was your last thought before going to bed last night?
- 04: what are you listening to?
- 05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to?
- 06: where do you think your best friend is right now?
- 07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days?
- 08: sex on the first date?
- 09: kiss on the first date?
- 10: is there one person you want to be with right now?
- 11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
- 12: is there something you would like to say to someone?
- 13: what are three things you did today?
- 14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?
- 15: what is your favorite kind of gum?
- 16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?
- 17: what is on your wrists right now?
- 18: ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?
- 19: does anyone have strong feelings for you?
- 20: are you slowly drifting away from someone?
- 21: have you ever wasted your time on someone?
- 22: can you do the alphabet in sign language?
- 23: how have you felt today?
- 24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
- 25: what is wrong with you right now?
- 26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?
- 27: would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?
- 28: why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
- 29: how late did you stay up last night and why?
- 30: when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
- 31: what were you doing an hour ago?
- 32: what are you looking forward to in the next month?
- 33: are you wearing jeans right now?
- 34: are you a patient person?
- 35: do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
- 36: favorite color?
- 37: did you have a dream last night?
- 38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
- 39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?
- 40: do you love anyone who is not related to you?
- 41: if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
- 42: do you like meeting new people?
- 43: are you afraid of falling in love?
- 44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself?
- 45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
- 46: have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
“One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.” —Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via perfect)
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.” —Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via perfect)
